Column: Why I refuse to watch college football

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There are a couple of ways to deal with people who have what you don’t but deep down would like to have:

1. Be happy for them.

2. Pretend what they have isn’t worth having.

Just between us, I’ve always had a fondness for the latter, which is why I refuse to watch college football on TV.

All that rah-rah stuff. All that being away from parents. All that ivy. All that goofing around with Bluto Blutarsky. All that wild dorm life. All that grousing about the food. All that freedom and independence and being on your own.

Oh yeah, and all those co-eds, maybe even cheerleaders.

What a bunch of dorks.

Who wants any of that?

Me.

I was a commuter college student. Every day I rode the El to college. I’d slump into an El seat and immerse myself in Kant or Hegel. I was surrounded by strangers, adult commuters on their way to lives-of-quiet-desperation jobs.

That was college to me – on the El to downtown Chicago by 8 a.m. Go to work at the post office at 4 p.m. Arrive home to Mom and Dad by 8 p.m. Do homework. Go to bed. Then start all over again.

I didn’t need football games and hanging out in the quadrangle, or rectangle, or whatever it is called – books in the crook of my be-sweatered left arm and making co-eds giggle.

All that is for superficial, rich kids. I didn’t go to college to have fun, thank you. I went to satisfy my love of learning. I went in quest of knowledge.

And, so, when fall rolls around I refuse to watch college football.

Too frivolous.

To superficial.

Too much fun.

Did I forget to mention I also don’t like homecoming, either? Well, I don’t.

Going to homecoming (probably on the El) is another thing I didn’t do.

Not that I couldn’t have gone. I chose not to go. It was a statement that homecoming, like football watching is:

Too frivolous.

Too superficial.

Too much …

… fun.

Paul Sassone is a freelance columnist.



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